Floral prints another trend men just aren’t pulling off

No. Absolutely not. This cannot be true.

And yet, there it is in black and white (and excrutiatingly vibrant colors) in the pages of the Lafayette Journal & Courier in Indiana. It must be so.

The big fashion trend for men this season is … is … (heaven help us all) … floral prints.

Even in Indiana, the last bastion of Midwestern American manhood, are sashaying about in vibrant floral prints. Yes, sashaying. You certainly don’t think you can swagger in floral prints, do you?

Can you imagine John Wayne facing down Lucky Ned Pepper in “True Grit” while wearing a floral print? Ned would have laughed himself right off his horse.

We’re not talking about respectable manly floral prints here either — like the Hawaiian shirts worn by the late Hunter S. Thompson and the kind that manliest of manly men, Bruce Campbell, wears on “Burn Notice.”

The website amNY reports the flowers are blooming on all sorts of hoity-toity polos, shorts, dress shirts and footwear this season. This is supposedly OK because designers are opting for subtle, darker patterns.

The website suggests wearing only one floral item at a time — like pairing a floral shirt with a solid pant or short or wearing a floral shirt underneath a suit.

Yeah, right. You might try wearing floral prints in some place like New York. But just try wearing them out in America’s heartland. Try wearing them in Real America in place like Indi …

Oops. That’s it. America is done for. Someone break the news to Chuck Norris. He’s standing right over in that stunning floral …

Oh no.

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